Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Might not be a beautiful blogger but..

I really wanted to maybe give more info about myself so I am not just some random person.  I am sure ya dont want to know too much but a little info about me could only help he he he (and maybe show I am not really this crazy random girl lol ok I really am)

1.  I am the biggest mommas girl in the whole world.  Without her in my life I really wouldnt be here in many ways.  Not only did she give birth to me but she has saved my life more then once.  When I was 16 I had slit both my wrists and my mom walked in my room minutes later.  She usually would never just walk in my room because she believes in privacy.  She is my angel!  (that wasnt supposed to be sad its a happy thing in my mind)

2.  I am an actress and photographer.  I appeared in an indie film called "Goodbye Wendell" I also did behind the scenes photos and was the production assistant.  I figure maybe if someone cant see beauty maybe through my eyes they can :D  Photography is a gift to see beauty in the most common objects.  Acting has always been my releasebecause you dont have to be yourself.  You can become a whole new person.

3.  I have some major hoarding tendencies that I am trying to recover from.  Some of you know about my food hoardingbut it doesnt stop there.  I also "collect" (lol) bathrrom supplies, cleaning supplies, stuff for my many collections (shot glasses, buddhas, skulls ect), and clothes.  I have been working real hard at this and have thrown away alot more stuff lately :D

4.  I have 3 beautiful godchildren.  Gil is my crazy boy and the youngest.  I cant pick him up right now and he does not like that.  But he can already beat me up with his buffness so I have to wait lol  Loly is my youngest goddaughter and my little princess.  She always cheers me up with her hugs, kisses, and pretty drawings.  She knows my favorite color and uses it in every picture.  And then there is my lou lou!  She is my teenage (nd first) god daughter.  She is so smart and unique!  She is way ahead of her class mates and has always been next to genuis.  She makes me so proud!  Her mother and I have said for years I must really be her dad because she is alot like me.  I also have a new baby in my life.  I am her second godmother but love her just the same.  My little ducky baby never fails to make me melt with her smile.  When I have children I would be proud if they turned out like my wonderful godchildren.

5.  When I was younger I was a little less then a hundred pounds heavier.  I was called the stinky kid because I was fat and poor.  That led to an obsession with good smelling things.  I have a ton of lotion, purfume, candles, sprays, and incense.  I wont leave my hose without spraying purfume on me and if I forget I will turn around and come back if my back up supplies arent in the car.  I used to be so crazy that id have purfume stashed EVERYWHERE!  There is not a room in my house that does not have at least 2-3 different scents to choose from to spray.  Ok I warned you I am a crazy one ;)  And way too truthful for my own good.

(I really hope half of you havent clicked delete already lol  I know the other half is just as crazy so heres to hoping :D)

6.I am falling in love with baby food.  I dont know about meals and what not but their fruits are something awesome.  I am a fruit adddict and may make this (baby food) a part of my future diet.  If you havent tried any yet the next time your there pick up a fruit treat from your baby Isle (organic of course)  Strawberry banana is a personal favorite of mine :) 

7.  I am a true Gemini!  I have duel personalities.  I like to look at them as the dark side and the light side.  You can really tell this when you enter my house.  First of all I live in a zero bedroom house and if you dont know what that is it is a room with a kitchen and a bathroom attached.  I split my room into bedroom and office.  Ok when you walk in bedroom side of the room is decorated in skulls and a huge vampire girl poster.  My kitchen is stars with some suns and moons.  My office is decorated with Buddhas (the fat happy one I have like 150 of them), shot glasses, and books of course.  My bathroom is decorated with animated happy penquins.  There is a different feeling everywhere u walk lol

(I am sure I am the only one left here!  I am sure some have fallen asleep and others noticed there were so many better things to do with their time LOL  And if you have hung in you get a gold star!!!)

8.  I volunteer at my local food bank.  Not only because I love being there and interactin and helping people but my mom is a caseworker there.  You would not believe all the people in your community that need help.  We offer everything from food, personal items, help with rent and utilities, all the way to emergency housing for domestic abuse survivors.  It has to be one of the most rewarding parts of my life!  When you have a grown man come in crying like a baby because he feels like he is letting down his family cause he has no job, making him smile will make your week or month.  The rewards you get from helping a mother of 3 who is struggling to feed her children is amazing.  Changing the life of a woman with children straight from the hospital after her husband beating her almost to death changes your life!  I would beg of you to make yourself feel amazing and completely change the life of another person donate to your local food bank or non profit that benifits your local community.  You never know you could be next.

(this is the last one I SWEAR!  If you have made it through you deserve a 4 pound weight loss today!)

9.  I AM A SURVIVOR!!  I have touched death and lived through alot of major things.  I survived child sexual abuse by a family member.  It brought me closest to death when I tried to end my life due to not being able to cope.  I am a survivor of domestic abuse.  I was strong and left him with alot of support from the people who love me.  I was knee boarding and the rope got wrapped around my neck and dragged behind a boat.  I was watching as the board came closer to my head and the boat engine died.  I have often thought I have angels on my side.  As a child I watched my mom, brother, and I get beat daily by a very abusive man.  It changed all of our lives and brought us closer together but it was hard.  When I was a child my mother was an alcoholic and drug addict which made her become abusive.  She gave her life to god and is a new woman now.  She is now an amazing woman I really look up to.  I have survived drugs and alcohol myself.  When I was a teenager I almost died due to inhaling spray paint.  Not smart but I survived!  There are so many more times I could talk about.  This has proven to me I am a strong woman!!!!!!!  If I can make it through all of this I can do anything.  Thats what gives me strength to make it throught my daily struggles with food and my weight.

Ok if you made it this far you must be the angel looking over me lol.  But I would like to thank all of you beautiful people I have met on here.  You all feel like my real friends.  Your comments make my day!!  Coming here and having new comments is better then a cheeseburger.  I dont have the best brain in the world and some of you have really been helping me out.  When I ask questions its because I really have no clue.  I would feel so alone without you guys.  There are only 2 people I know with the lapband one is a computer friend and the other is a good friend who lives across the state.  I see him maybe 2 times a year.  When I do I bombard him with questions.  So I am sure he appreciates you guys too lol ;)  If you know anyone who doesnt have me as a friend let them know about me.  Nothing makes me happier then a new friend and someone who understands what I am going through!

I hope you guys dont mind me doing this even though I wasnt nominated.  I really just wanted you guys to get to know me a little since I have been learning about you guys through the BB thing.  If this is breaking a rule or I need to take this down please let me know cause I did it out of fun not disrespect.  And thanks for reading *BIG HUGS*  Ohhhh #10 I am a hugger big time ;)  I hug online and off.  Nothing says I care to me more than a friendly hug.


  1. You're absolutely a beautiful blogger and don't you dare take down your post!

    I read in an earlier post where you said you were nearly 100 pounds heavier in high school.

    I am completely gobsmacked! To have come as far as you have on your own is amazing. Imagine what you will be able to do with the band!

    Good on you :-)

  2. 1st- I love your pretty blog! It looks great!!

    2nd- I can relate to a few of those things in your post ..and can only say that it's great how strong you are and how your really looking out for "you" with this band journey! go you!!

    3rd- I love photography too and love to find the beauty in random/ordinary things..

    Keep up the great posting and I'll keep reading! :0)

  3. It's great to get to know you better - thanks for putting it out there. We all have "things" but some of us hide them better than others or, like me, drown them in food. You are definitely a Beautiful Blogger and I look forward to following your journey!

  4. You *are* a beautiful blogger my friend. Your post was great and don't take it down! It was awesome getting to know you a little better.
    I'm really excited to follow you. :)

  5. I want to be your god-mom and give you great big hugs everyday. Please keep blogging your lovely little heart out. I cried-I am such a sap. And yes we are the angels out here looking out for you. You deserve every award going for getting to where you are today. I too find it is the little things that can be a huge help for someone in this crazy world of ours. I try to pay-it-forward but it is good you gave us a reminder.

    We started this band journey only one day apart and it is exciting to move forward. And I didn't read your post just to get the 4 pound loss you promised :-) Right now that would be nice, but we will get there, with all the others who help us along. God Bless you sweet beautiful blogger.

  6. I totally agree with everyone!! You are a Beautiful Blogger!!!! Don't ever think differently.

    I too have gone through some of the same things that you did growing up, although not nearly as much as you have, so I do understand a lot of it.

    I could never post some of my experiences, like sexual abuse by a family member as a child, because some of my family members read my blog, but I do understand!!

    So I want you to post whatever you want to, it is your blog and your thoughts and feelings! We will always be here to listen, read and support you!

    I nominate you for the Beautiful Blogger Award!!

  7. You're devastatingly honest, and brave. This medium is wonderful therapy, so keep on writing. Look forward to reading you.

  8. You are a beautiful blogger. I just found your blog and wanted to say hi and you are an amazing, strong person to come through all you have and still seem to be smiling on the inside and out. Welcome to the other side and welcome to bandlife. It will change your life in more ways than one.
    I am excited for you and excited to follow your journey

  9. You are certainly a survivor. To have gone through so much and still be here is amazing. Thanks for sharing your stuff and letting me get to know you better. You will not only survive with the band you will conquer!!!

  10. whew...talk about a strong cool woman!! ahem...that's you btw :-)

  11. Oh my goodness, you are such a beautiful blogger in my book! You and I have so many things in common, as I am a survivor of abuse, so I feel bonded to you already. You are a strong beautiful women and I wish you nothing but the best!