Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Food Vampire Strikes Again!

Why is it in the light of day I am little Mrs Perfect Bander but as soon as the sun falls I turn into a Food Vampire?  I mean I stalk my prey in the kitchen then suck the life out of it.  I really wish I could rip that sweet tooth out with a pair of pliers! UGH!  During the day I am not hungry and usually eat just what my tummy can handle (fish, cheese, other good for ya stuff)  But when the sun goes down that vampire in me comes out.  I want anything sweet.  I try to fill the craving with a sugar free fudgepop but lately I have been craving Ice cream from sonic so bad.  I got one taste and it was over now I am always wanting it.  BAD ROBIN! *smacks my nose with a newspaper*  I know its bad but sometimes I just want to forget excercise, food, and weight.  I just want to sit down and eat food like I used to.  Be able to eat without any pain or sliming!!

I seem to forget often that I am banded.  I went to go get some fast food (ya I know another newspaper smack)  I got a regular meal with no large size upgrade.  I took like 10 fries at the most and 4 nuggets and I had to put the nuggets away and hand over the fries to the BF.  So I have learned a little more that fast food is just a waste of my money (and calories)  From now on if I get anything fast food it will be a childs meal!  Plus my godchildren always love a new toy :)  When we order from my fav chinese resturant (Happiness Resturant ROX!)  It takes me ALL day to eat what I would have in 20 minutes preband.  That is a real feeling of accomplishment.  Plus the BF is getting results from my weight loss.  He is sweet and tries to stretch out his eating with me so I am not sitting alone eating way after hes done.  Plus he exercises on the Wii and we are both getting healthier.  He has lost weight and isnt eating as much as before because he doesnt want to eat bad things in front of me.  Plus my mom and some of the ladies from the needline have went on diets too.  It freaks me out when they ask me for advice lol  I am like really?  No one ever has looked at me and asked for health secrets.  I try to help as much as possible and try to share the things the nutritionists taught me.  But it just seems weird to be an inspiration to people.  I have ALWAYS been the poster girl for WHAT NOT TO DO!

I have noticed alot lately that I must be losing weight in my mouth area because I am speaking my mind more.  As an uber fat girl I never wanted to say anything to people because I needed all the people I could get.  I was afraid if my balls dropped and I spoke my mind that everyone would just turn around and leave and Id be all alone.  Thats not true at all.  It has shocked some people but I am going to continue dangling my new found balls all over the place.  I even smacked the BF in the face with them the other day.  (ok that mental picture was FUNNY)  I have just found I can ask for what I want and the world will not collapse in around me.  YAY!!  I plan to practice this some more.  Excuse me while I hula hoop just to watch my balls dangle ;) (wow i think i am falling in love with balls LOL)

I bought a new spring shirt from walmart just to make me feel pretty.  IT WORKED!  I wore it and my little black skirt with my rainbow sandels.  I put on my sunglasses to pull my hair back and a little eyeliner.  I looked at myself and thought damn girl you are looking good.  I also had a shock moment at my friends house.  She bought me a swim suit in a smaller size so I have something to work for this spring to get into.  The bottoms arent going to work at all.  My fat roll hangs out the side of it and SO NOT ATTRACTIVE TO ANYONE!  (it IS a 2 piece)  Never thought I would wear anything but shorts and a tshirt lol.  The top looked amazing (minus the ten tons of arm blubber that I cant stand)  I looked in the mirror and froze...was that really me?  WOW  I had a "you go girl" moment with myself.  I cant wait to have more moments like that.  I cant wait to walk into a store and shop around :)  I have always had a shopping fear because nothing ever fit.  Now I am finding things in a real store that fit and make me feel good WOOT!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Too much sunshine to be at a computer lol

Things have been going so good lately I have found myself not even sitting at the computer to write.  My weight loss is stuck but I am ok with that :)  Cant complain about being stuck in the 280s lol  I guess I think if I complain about it I will wake up weighing 400 pounds again.  So no complaints lol  This band thing and coming to terms with being under 300 is alot to handle sometimes.  I still see myself as that girl I was.  But my banded tummy knows better.

I just have to say that the band is CRAZY.  Every day is a new adventure.  I am never sure what Ill be able to eat from day to day.  I can eat someone out of house and home somedays and others it is a baby food day.  So how do you know you are at your sweet spot?  I mean somedays Id say yes Im there and then other days id say throw 5 more ccs in there doc.  Lately Ive been doing pretty good with the eating.  Other people can really see the difference in my eating.  Like easter dinner at my moms.  Me and my brother would race to see how many plates we could get down before we collapse into a food coma (he is like 160...butthead)  This time I filled the plate like I always do and ate like 2 bites of everything and was done.  I can no longer eat some of my favorite dishes which made me a little sad but its ok.  My mom makes french onion rice thats to die for.  I couldnt get that down, couldnt get ham down very easy, and the beans were a very bad idea.  But the brownie unfortunatly went down with ease ;)  But the family did work off the food by playing hours of wii.  We all left very sore and tired lol.

I have been getting to spend extra time with my sweetie lately which has been AWESOME!  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man.  He will drive from a county away just because I am having a swiss cheese craving :)  My brother and his girlfriend and me and mitchell are all going out to the lakes for a hike this coming weekend.  I am looking forward to that.  Time with my brother, my sweetie, the sunshine, and my camera :D  I am blessed that is for sure. 

I miss you guys like mad!  I often think in my head "wonder how carmen and amanda are"  or "wonder how draz's whootananny is doing"  lol ok not really the last one (ok maybe once lol) but I often think of you guys.  I hope everything is going great for all of my blog buddies out there.  Hope the scales are treating you all right.  Now that the sun is back I see us all shedding pounds like crazy :)  I hope every single one of you get on the scale tomorrow and see at least 2 down :) BAM MAGIC DONE!  *big hugs*