Well ok I was angry at myself today but after reading a certain blog I am not so angry anymore. I felt like such a loser because I was at 299 the other day and was so happy I called people and wrote people to let them know. Then that evil little piece of poop gave me the big 305 today! UGH! REALLY!!??!! *enter sad pouty having a childs fit face here* I wanted to smash the scale into a wall and just sit and cry. People keep telling me how great I look and I just want to say well tell my tummy that so it will go back down.
I seriously dont know how I could freakin gain weight. My tummy has been so crazy I am having a hard time getting much of any thing else down but taters and baby food. Right now my tummy is growling so loud I am sure the neighbor just looked around his apartment wondering where the strange noises are coming from. Today I have had an atkins mocha latte shake, a stage 1 jar of bananas, and some bites of some jello sugar free choco mousse. I am sure by the end of the night ill have some taters and maybe some more bananas or maybe a sugar free pudding cup. Really? That is gonna make me fat? I was losing weight eating 2 cheeseburgers a day 3 weeks before my surgery. So wtf? Did I do the wrong thing? Maybe I should have kept at it by myself. But I know me way to well in a few months I would have given up completely and went to live at McDs.
I just dont think I have ever felt this frustrated. I feel like everyone is looking at me and waiting for me to fail AGAIN! And here I go giving fuel for the fire. I know that I need to give it time because I am not even or just at 2 weeks out. Maybe I should just stop looking at the scale. My first thought (which I stopped) after the 305 was grrr screw it im going to get a freakin cheesburger if I am just going to gain anyways. That thinking got me to 397 in the first place and I wont let it get me down dammit! I will fight for my right to be the shrinking fat gurl! I have been fat all my life and I am so impatient to get to 250 at least. Id settle for 299 again right now.
Wow ok that is a pitiful post so I am throwing some good stuff in here. I got a new LG neon phone yesterday which makes me giddy as a school girl. It is lime green and white with a slider keyboard :D I also got a new funny book called "The Vampire Seduction Handbook" So now I must find a vampire to seduce cause I have the right tools lol. My mom got me some smelly goods from B&B works mmm Japanese cherry blossom I got body spray, 2 lotions, and a room spray which tickled me pink. She also got me a few other small treats like chop sticks, eyeliner (I really needed that I am so close to out and that is the only makeup I wear and I have to cause my eyes dissapear lol), a new buddha incense burner, and some awesome shot glasses. Have I mentioned how awesome my mom is? Well SHE IS! And to pay back her awesomeness I went and helped her out today with a boring senior program job :) But it was nice cause everyone there is on a diet so I dont feel out of place :D