Monday, February 22, 2010

bright as a burnt out lightbulb!

Have you ever just forgot that you have a band?  Ok maybe it is because I am my own super brand of special but I was not thinking.  Well now that I am thinking about it, not thinking has got me to where I am today im sure.  This morning I got up and in a half asleep stuper I grabbed a banana.  Let me remind you I am in the mushy stage right now.  Yes this banana was way ripe and in its own mushy stage but NOT ENOUGH!  As soon as I took 2 bites I was awake and apparently stuck.  Wow what a feeling that was.  It was a mix between gas, an asthma attack, and a heart attack.  I have never had that feeling and it scared me to DEATH!  So needless to say the bananas went straight into the trash as not to make that mistake again.  And I went out and bought some baby food ones that are suprisingly yummy. 

Id really like to thank you all who left comments on my cheeseburger post and left such awesome ideas.  I am now looking forward to real food time to make my own burger "with lettuce bun" :D  I might not be as good as McDs but hey least I know whats going into my mouth!  I was watching inside edition sometime and they scared me with resturants.  I never thought about "where have these trays been"  They showed le level of bacteria growing on the trays.  They found large amounts of fecel matter and whatnot UGH *insert green face here*  the more I find out about fast food the less it appeals to me.  I have also had friends that work at fast food jobs and their stories are enough to make anyone stop. 

Do all of you banded people drink the hot beverage in the morning?  I havent been doing this the last couple days and it seems I am having more sticking problems.  I really need to get a hold on the chew chew chew thing.  I have always inhaled my food.  I am the typical fat girl people talk about. I mostly fit the stereotype lol.  Inhale food check inhale drink check hide in the corner eat 2 boxes of little debbies check.  Little debbie is evil!!  McDs is evil!  Man when I look back I have really not cared about myself ever.  Thats sad.

God I am missing my cereal right now and oatmeal just isnt the same. mmmm raisin bran...speaking of... do any of you have problems with raisins?  I used to eat like 3 large boxes of sunmaid raisins a week.  I know I cant eat a ton anymore but are a few ok?

I am sort of scared to eat anything beside the taters and baby food right now after that stupid banana this morning.  Is that what restriction is going to feel like?  I am not sure I want it if thats what it feels like.  I dont know why I am so scared of my band.  I know it is going to help me but I just dont want to mess up.  I now know messing up comes with pain.  Once my head locks on that Im afraid I wont want to eat at all which is another problem all in its own.  I dont know why mentally it is all or nothing with me.  I can already tell this is teaching me alot about who I am.  It is doing its job now I need to do mine.  It is making me (besides this morning) stop and think before eating. 

I will get better at this.  I am having to learn all over again what and how to eat.  I keep feeling like I should be better at this already.  But I forget that it took me almost 30 years of learning to eat the way I did.  I am not going to become perfect overnight.  It will take time and energy to do the right thing.  The band is not on my brain!!  I have to do that changing and I WILL!  I should be proud of my accomplishments so far.  I have lost 22 pounds.  I shrunk my liver perfectly and had no slip ups.  I have had the chance to get a cheeseburger and have not even tried to.  I did slip up and eat a reeses very slowly tonight but only 1 and not a whole bag. 

The reason I did that is because I woke up and for the first time since I was young I got on my home scale and it said 299.  I havent been below 300 in A LONG TIME!  I was almost 400 in high school.  I guess it was like 6th or 7th grade since I have seen a 2 in front of my weight.  Why did I celebrate with a reeses and possibly screw that up?  I dont know some more brain changing needs to be done there.  I cant wait for my first fill to see what their scale says :)  I am going by theirs officially and I dont know what mine is compared to theirs.  When I weighed 305 on theirs that morning I weighed here and it was 311.  So I told her I like their scales better.  She said I need to clibrate mine but it is digital and I am not sure how to do that.

Wow ok I am very random tonight so I am going to stop there :)


  1. Ouch the whole banana episode sounded painful!!

    I felt what I think was restriction for the first 2 weeks after my surgery. But now that the swelling is gone down I'm getting hungry.

    Banana's should be ok - but you HAVE to chew :-) (preaching the choir aren't I?!).

    Take it easy on yourself - you are doing great! Like you say - it took nearly 30 years to develop these habits and they will take a while to conquer!

  2. Hey...don't be so hard on are going fine. Everything is new and it is a learning curve...even the more seasoned bandsters say that. Remember that you are swollen from you surgery and it won't always be like that. It just forces you to eat slow and chew well. Oh and 1 Reece's won't kill you...and you didn't eat the whole bag so Victory is yours. Hang in there

  3. The hardest parts of this are all the head stuff and learning new habits. You're doing great. Restriction doesn't hurt, but stuck sure does! Some of us learn those lessons faster than others (I'm still getting stuck LOL). Take it slow!

  4. I too am supposed to be just on pureed foods and last night had a wonderful meal of mashed potato, sweet potato and squash plus some meatloaf. I had another slice of meatloaf and was really uncomfortable for most of the evening. Not really pain but stuffed like after a thanksgiving dinner. Still learning but I haven't wanted the junk food (ie McD's) yet. I am disappointed that there is no change in my weight since surgery. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

    So happy for you that you saw the 299. You really can't calibrate digital scales so I would just pick your scales to see your progress. Good luck on keeping to the mushies-I so want to eat fruit and salads--never thought I would say that. Pureed/mushies just don't do it for me.

    As for the mornings, I find I have no interest in food until about 9:00. I do drink 2 mugs of coffee like usual. I'm not back to work yet so may have to work on that. I was never a cereal person but if I did eat it, my only choice was Raisin Bran. I think the raisins should be ok once you get onto regular food. You'll have to give it a try.

  5. I am sure you have heard this all before .. but these stages are important to go through as your band settles into its position.. The stomach is constantly moving and you really want to slow into the amount of churning it needs to go through.. In a few weeks.. you will be ready to take on the more challenging foods and figure this all out. Hang in there.. all normal stuff.

    Be well