WARNING: This may be long I have alot of catching up lol
Boy have I missed my blogger friends. Its nice having you guys everyday to make me feel amazing. So needless to say I was having a few withdrawls from you guys. I have so much catching up. I doubt I will get caught up on all the blogs but I did miss you guys bunches and I am soooo glad to be back. I hope everyone has been doing well and having great days!!
To start off with I am going to say I LOVE ME!! I am going to repeat this 30 times a day till I lose all my weight then I know I am going to believe it. I have always hated myself. I always felt like there was something wrong with me because crappy things were attracted to me like a magnet. I knew for sure there was a tattoo on my head I coudnt see that said "Please treat me like SH*T" (please forgive my nasty word) So much to the point I started treating MYSELF like that. I stuffed my face day and night with all the wrong food. I used drugs and alcohol like it was going out of style. I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day. *cant believe Im going to admit this to the world but I have to admit it to myself* I was very sexually charged and didnt care who or why I was doing what I was doing. While I was doing all this I thought it was completely normal!!!
I now look back and see that it was all because I hated myself and didnt care if I lived or died. I already felt dead inside so nothing could hurt me. During these last couple years I have been trying to change my mentality. I have always heard treat others the way you want to be treated. I didnt understand all this being treated bad because I tried to be so nice to everyone. I want that statement changed! I want it to say "treat yourself like you want others to treat you" If you treat yourself like you are nothing others will too. If you treat yourself well then you will be more likely to see when someone is treating you wrong and get out of the situation. That all started to sink in more when I left a mentally and physically abusive relationship. I started to see that I deserved more good things then I was allowing myself to recieve or give myself. More and more I am starting to love me. I now could care less if no one else ever loves me. I think I am a beautiful soul!!!!!!
Ok enough mental lesson now on to some fun things...
OMG guess what!!....are you thinking?...Did ya guess?? No ok no clues so prob not many good guesses LOL I HAVE A PAIR OF JEANS!!! For my vacation I went to Eastern TN in the mountains to visit some friends. My bff E is smaller then me and has been working hard the old fashion way to lose weight. She let me into her closet for a try your size party. I made her pick out her biggest clothes because i am quite a bit bigger but her biggest is size 28 jeans (already wore out so prob more like a 30) Ok the last time I found jeans they were a 46 and a 44. I had to go to cathrines and order them usually. I FIT HER 28s!!! I now own those pair of jeans because I went screaming and crying and jumping through her house. I also got 2 new 2x shirts. 2x yes thats what I said so I am going to repeat that 2x!!!!!!!!! I noticed though most of my 4x is getting pretty baggy. Of course I didnt know any of this because I dont shop. I hate stores because they always make me feel so much more fat and angry with myself. So now I know and I am so happy.
Yesterday I got on the scale and saw a 295. So you know I was happy with that. I am so amazed at my body actually working with me. I usually dont lose weight like this. My most productive diet was a mixture of meth and excercise. I lost 80 pounds but I didnt feel good about myself. Thank god I will never deal with any of that again. Now I have a new view on life and hope for the future. Now that I am doing this the right way I feel like I should reward myself when I hit goals. For everything I have accomplished till now I went and bought myself some flip flops, a new stuffed penguin (Another one of my "collections") lol, some jelly bracelets (yes I still wear those lol I sometimes forget it is 2000s now), and some word search books. I think I deserved to buy myself stuff lol
I also learned that walking is becoming much easier. We ended up going to walmart 3 times in one day and walking all over the place. They just bought their first house so there is alot needed lol. I used to have problems getting through walmart one time. It was so big Id sit down half way and act like I was waiting for someone cause I was wore out. Plus I have alot of medical issues (a few of which I really hope go away with the weight) So it was pretty rough on me. This weekend we went shopping to many places and 3 different walmart (1 of which was my fault cause I forgot to buy my shakes lol) But I was so happy that I didnt have most of my usual issues. I was real tired after all that but there were no sitting breaks.
4 LITTLE QUESTIONS:
#1 Is anyone else getting cold with weight loss? I have always been really hot and lately I am noticing I need more clothes and the house temp a little higher. When I am outside at night I feel like I am frozen straight through to my bones. I just wondered if this is just something that happens with weight loss or maybe a band thing.
#2 I am having some pain with my major incision. When I lay on my side I feel like I may rip in half. Ok thats a bit dramatic but it is really uncomfortable. I am not sure what is going on with that but I was wondering if anyone else had pain still after 3 weeks? I get my first fill on the 11th of March and I am hoping that the pain is something normal and not something that may be wrong.
#3Did anyone else have a stitch sticking out of their skin? I have one sticking out and I am afraid to do anything about it. It gets real annoying because it catches on to stuff and feels really weird. If you had the same problem what did u do?
#4 Did anyone use a product for reducing scars? If you did when after surgery did u start and what product do you think works best?
I would really appreciate any answers. I know what opinions are like lol but I love other peoples opinions. 5 brains are better then my half of one lol. It is so great to be back!