Monday, January 25, 2010

Crazy Dreams!

I am having some of the craziest dreams.  Last night I kept dreaming my mother was stealing my food.  I was very angry at her and didnt understand.  It seems like everytime I fall asleep it is something associated with this experience.  Has anyone else had this experience?  I am thinking about it constantly while awake and now in my sleep too.

18 more days till surgery!

I have been working out at the gym so I can get into a routine before hand.  I really like walking on the treadmill.  But I am having the worst problem with blisters.  My feet feel like they are going to fall off.  Not to mention how bad my back aches.  I cant wait till I can do it without even thinking about it.  I walk a mile or more every time.  I feel so akward compared to the skinny people around me that are just truckin on.  And I am trying real hard just to keep up to half their speed.

I am also quitting smoking and that is going to be my downfall in the weight department.  I have gained in the last 2 months.  I have went from 2 packs a day down to like a puff every once in a while.  But now my hand wont stay away from my face!  I have been snacking like mad.  It has a lot to do with smoking and probably a bit of the last minute "I wont be eating this ever again so bye bye"  I am changing my life and dont want to come back to the same thing.  When I have that surgery I am coming out of the operating room a changed woman!  I AM SO SICK OF THIS LIFE!  There is a healthy person inside screaming at me to get a hold of myself.  For once I think I will listen to her.

Does anyone have plans to do things when they lose weight?  I do and I think that will be a blog I do soon.  I have been fat all my life and missed out on so many fun things that everyone around me were doing.  I plan to live a full life in the years I have left.

Feelings for the day:  Been alot of smacking myself in the head when sticking my hand to my lips with things.  I wish my mind would just stop wanting things.  I can do this!!!!  MIND OVER MATTER!!


  1. I have a love/hate relationship with the treadmill and hope it turns more to love after I lose some weight ..but anyhoo.

    What I like to do (and it seems to work just as well) is up the incline and slow down the speed! My sister in law can do a slow jog and sprint for tiny amounts of time. But I just can't do that right's painful and it makes me want to quit. So by uping the incline ..I still sweat my butt off.. and burn almost the same amount as my sister in law.. but i'm not in pain! ..? So maybe something like that might help?

    I also found that I can work the elliptical machine sometimes (on a slow speed) and sweat my butt off on there too!

    And highfive for quitting!! That's got to be so hard to do both at the same time! Good luck!! You're right .. you can do this!

  2. I hate! walking as a form of exercise. However, I refuse to join a gym and pay way too much money for someting I probably won't use anyway. What I do is use the Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds dvds. It is more like a low-impact aerobic tape than just walking. You do knee lifts, side steps, kicks, and walk in place (which is more like marching in place). She adds in some arm lifts and she uses the stretchy band for strength training. I love it! She has a 1 mile, 2 mile, 3 mile and 4 mile video, as well as a kick/walk (like kick boxing) video that really gets the heart pumping.

    Good luck. Your surgery date will be here before you know it!

  3. I am certainly not an expert LOL but, I would not look at the what everyone else is doing. When I go into the gym, I plop my ipod in my ears and I leave them there. I have a friend who listens to books. Find something else to focus on while your on the treadmill. Log your workouts if possible, not just how far but your speed. The next week either add a little length or speed, not both. I can't help you with the smoking exactly, but I am a food addict and I guess we treat all addicts the same, maybe add it to your log and give yourself rewards and a counter and keep track like I do my food and water.